I get up in the morning, and I have a routine. First, I don't want to get up. That's may be because I don't sleep until it's time to get up. But, let me not mention how I feel at night? Let's keep darkness out of this.
I get up in the morning, and I have a routine. First, I don't want to get up. But then eventually the body reconciles with the mind and agrees to play it along. There are moments though when the body takes over. Moments not necessarily of weakness, but about needs that could lead to instant happiness. Like letting yourself oversleep, or eating a handful of chocolates after a Subway meal. My favorite is making out with someone you know you shouldn't be fooling around with, or at a time when you know you shouldn't be fooling around, with anyone.
Physical needs are supposed to be simple, and many of them are. I easily allow myself to oversleep and get late for meetings. I get over eating a whole box of Pringles over a 2 hour movie rather quickly. But, as I am becoming more capable of being able to make things simpler for me, there are still some needs, physical or otherwise, that I cannot help but complicate further. I've somehow managed to mix my more tangible physical needs with my emotional ones; I just [again] did it in the previous sentence. I wasn't always like this. I'm like this now may be because things happened for me in the wrong order, or so I'd like to think.
Before I could discover and subsequently satisfy my physical needs, I was in the middle of an emotional mess. It was like being under water, where you think you're in a different world, but you're actually just in a different habitat, alien to you. I didn't belong there. Later when I realised that that wasn't love, and I learnt it the hard way, I ate the apple. And I think I took a big bite because it choked my emotions for several years. I didn't fall in love again until I did, and this time it happened the right way; it felt right.
She was beautiful; an artist, her art is life. But, our individual lives, after three years of meeting, have taken separate courses. She's still very beautiful, but we now live in spearate worlds. She, in a world that most people live in, the one God created for us. Me, in a world that she and I lived in, the one she and I created for us.
So after I've gotten up in the morning and got ready for work, I get out of the house and begin a new day. Each day thinking exactly that - that this is going to be a new day. But, life doesn't change for me. Not now when I want it to. But, may be, there will be a day when I will wake up to realise that life changed for me everyday, only I didn't. May be there'll be a day when I'll know what I'm feeling right now wasn't really a crisis due to not having someone in my life, but simply a case of resisting change; a day when I wouldn't have to separate my physical needs from my emotional ones.
May be I already know that I cannot survive alone.
I shout at the thinking mind
I get angry at my own screams
I'm dry of crying over my own pain
over my cursing heart and my lost dreams
I do not understand
why I was loved and run over
I do not understand
why I was removed from your skin
I do not understand
why you held somebody else's hand
why make my touch seem like a sin
Make me understand
that my love shouldn't be this
that i should see the light of tomorrow
and let go of our last kiss
i hate me for my words
it hurts me when they hurt you
i find no escape from my dilemma
coz I'm guilty of still loving you
In the sea
in the middle of darkness
I could feel the water touching my ears
It was cold but warm underneath
I could hear the sound of the ocean
telling a story about my gone years
It was sad but incomplete.
Far behind my tears
I could see a source of light
A vessel sounding its horn
approaching to save my life.
It came closer to spot me
to lend me a hand
I decided to be on my own
I had a different plan.
I decided to keep floating
and find the shores whenever
When it's safe for me to return
where I'm forgotten forever.
In the middle of nowhere
I had found a new world
The vessel left me rotating
between my thoughts that swirled.
As it left I saw its name
It was called Tomorrow.
Sitting in my room
I feel the emptiness.
Of the walls surronding me.
Colorless, dry and still.
I touch them
in hope to find life.
They're warm.
I talk to them
in hope to find a friend.
They stand there
staring at me,
in hope to find life.
I touch my arm
It's cold.
Sitting in my room
The walls feel the emptiness.
In my heart, in my eyes.
Colorless, dry and still.
With every moment that passes by
I feel a little weaker, a little stronger
I feel my past choking on me
and see my future shining a bright light
My present like a conviction of my sins
Sins of my heart, my desires
Like a result of my work
a path to my desires.
I know I'm not alone
I can already feel a divide within me
A calling from what's beautiful around me.
The lightning in the sky and the sound of rain
Scars on the moon and the roaring ocean.
All assurances of hope and life;
I don't feel the need to cry
when it's raining.
There are pauses in my breath
And tears in my eyes
I want to smile, but
what if it's again a lie
I want to dream
but I can't sleep
the sounds keep me awake
the pain is too deep
There's just a lot of grey
and I want to see the sky turn blue
I want it to rain so my passion is disguised
So I could walk away from you.
The sun's set today without a warning.There was no dusk,no sign of birds returning to their homes.The stars haven't emerged from behind their curtains.The moon's shining for itself.Weird as it may sound,the most beautiful things in my life have left me alone.
All your bags are packed,n you're ready to go,to do something that means to you more,you're gonna be a star shining all along,each day's gonna be like a song..You'll be free from me,that is, until to decide,to be there for me,or like a companion beside..I'll pray for you with a heart that's true,I'll be your T forever, with or without you.
